Developing a service menu
As a findomme, you will learn that not all subs want the same things. While some of the TikTok dommes have been spreading the myth that “all you have to do is be mean to men” to be a findomme, the reality is infinitely more complex. Not every sub needs or wants a domme who is mean. A lot of them have other kinks that you might want to learn about and cater to.
Your menu
Think about the services you will offer as a menu. Some things are on the menu, and some are not, because they’re not being offered. You set your own menu, and the prices for each item on it.
Some dommes literally make a menu graphic to display the services they offer. Menus in this context are sort of controversial: some sex workers love them, and some don’t. I’m in the no menu camp, because I find them to be just one more thing to keep up with, and honestly, most people don’t read them.
For our use, whether you say yes or no to a visual menu, a menu will refer simply to the services you offer at this time.
Your options
There are many services offered in findom, but very few dommes offer all of them. This list will help you narrow in on those you know you can offer, and maybe give you some ideas on offerings you might research and start developing as you grow.
This is in no way a comprehensive list. It’s just a jumping off point. How I describe each item may or may not be what your sub has in mind, so always ask what they’re hoping for.
Also, some of these things are more traditionally findom than others. Each domme should define for herself which menu items work for her practice, and which don’t. You may hear if you do this thing, you’re not really a findomme from other dommes, but if it works for you, and for your subs, that’s what matters.
Here we go…
Ass (or any other) worship - In the spicy world, any form of worship, such as ass worship, breast worship, or foot worship, is a focus on that area of the body. Worship is often done on video, or in a video call, and might include self-love, or working with another participant. So, foot worship could be a video of you rubbing lotion on your feet and giving yourself a foot massage, while talking and teasing the viewer—or, if you include another participant like your partner, it could be them licking and kissing your feet, and sucking your toes.
ASMR - Autonomous sensory meridian response. I know, WTF does that mean? It’s kind of a tingly sensation along the scalp, back of the neck and spine, in response to certain sounds or sights. I’m sure you’ve seen people on YouTube or TikTok doing softly whispered videos filled with sounds like nail clicking, paper crinkling, or bubbles fizzing in a glass of soda. Any sort of vocal services on this list can be offered as ASMR with a little practice.
Blackmail - Threatening to release photos/videos/personal details if a sub doesn’t pay, although most dommes only do this as role play, rather than actual blackmail. This is sometimes done in conjunction with a remote desktop viewer like TeamViewer, which allows a domme to remotely access a sub’s computer and select the files she will use for blackmail.
Cash meets - Meeting in real life with a sub so they can give you cash, or take you shopping, or both. Try What is a cash meet? for more info.
CBT - Cock and ball torture generally involves causing discomfort and minor pain to a man’s most sensitive areas. This is one of those things you want to start slowly and gently, because some subs ask for CBT, and then reality hits, and they realize it’s not for them. CBT via video chat can involve telling the sub to attach items like clothes pins or electrodes to his penis and testicles, rubbing chili powder or hot sauce on the area, or tying with rubber bands or shoelaces. Creativity and safety go hand and hand here.
CEI - Cum eating instructions, which will involve delayed gratification, as well as when to, where to, and how to climax and consume. Do your research!
Chastity - Telling a sub he is not allowed to release for a period of time, generally days, weeks, or a month. May be combined with caging, which involves forced chastity by locking the penis in a cage and sending the key to the domme to hold or wear.
Chat - Chatting via text, phone or web cam is something many dommes use in their practice. Find a place to do these things that is sex worker friendly, or you may find your account shut down.
Custom photos & videos - Not strictly a part of findom, but many dommes also sell photos or videos. More about content selling can be found here: Findom and selling content.
Debt contracts - A contract saying the sub owes their domme a certain amount, which is then paid in installments. Often combined with things like retweet games, where the amount owed is larger than a sub can reasonably pay all at once.
Degradation - Treating the sub badly. This could be treating them like an object, like a foot stool or an ashtray, or calling them names and generally treating them with no respect. Degradation often goes hand in hand with humiliation, described below.
Dick ratings - The sub sends a photo of their penis, and the domme rates it. Some dommes charge different rates for ratings done via text, via video, or live.
Drains and rinses - A drain refers to emptying a sub’s bank account. Read more about Drains and rinses.
Feminization - Imposing traditionally female attributes on a male sub. May include telling the sub to wear women’s clothing and underwear, makeup, and styling their hair as a woman would. May also involve telling subs to perform domestic tasks, such as cooking and cleaning.
Food fetish - Food fetishes can take many forms. Some have a kink for watching their domme eat, while others might prefer to see her sitting on food, or stepping on it.
GFE - Girlfriend experience. Pretending to be a sub’s girlfriend, including speaking or texting them as a girlfriend would.
Giantess - The domme acts as though she is extremely large, like a giant, and the sub is very tiny. Some have a kink for being stepped on or eaten. If you’re good with Photoshop, you can create some fun content for this kink.
Humiliation - Saying things to the sub, and asking them to do things, that they find embarrassing. This can sometimes mean telling the sub to do something in public that they find humiliating.
Hypnosis - Putting the sub into a trance with voice and/or images.
Ignore sessions - Meeting a sub in a live session or chat, and literally ignoring them, no matter what they do.
JOI - Jerk off instructions. Can be done in a live chat, or via video or audio.
Ownership - When a domme and sub have agreed to a long term arrangement, where the sub is owned by the domme. They might sign an ownership agreement, which binds them for a certain amount of time. The owned sub may also wear a symbol of ownership like a collar or bracelet.
Premade photos, videos and archives - Though not strictly a part of findom, many dommes have accumulated enough photos and videos of themselves to put them into an archive and sell access. Rather than buying individual photos and videos, subs can purchase access to the whole archive for a set price.
RT games - A mostly Twitter phenomenon, where a sub pays a deposit to their domme for a retweet game, with a time limit, and an agreed upon amount to be paid for each retweet, comment and like. You may see these happening with tweets that say $3/$3/$3, indicating that’s what the sub will pay for each RT, comment and like within the designated time period. If the domme gets a good response, the amount owed may result in a debt contract with the sub.
SPH - Small penis humiliation. Humiliating a sub because his penis is so small. This can be done as a humiliation session, or as public humiliation on social media, by posting photos.
Tasks - Tasks are something dommes give to subs, and can be free or paid. They may be something the sub has to do to show devotion to a domme, like writing her name over and over, or to help the domme, like retweeting her posts. Tasks are not a punishment, and subs might ask for tasks from their domme because they’re enjoyable. Tasks can also take the form of sending money or buying items from the dommes wishlist.
Punishment - Punishment is something a domme assigns a sub to atone for something they’ve done to displease her. Unlike tasks, punishments are something the sub will probably not enjoy, and may be required to do before the domme allows further contact.
Wheel spins - Some dommes create wheels, using apps like Spin the Wheel, and charge subs to take a spin. Spins might require the sub to pay a certain amount, or do a certain task.
Whew! That’s quite a list of options, and as I said earlier, not even a complete one. You may stumble upon things you enjoy doing, or that subs request, that can be added to your service menu.
Visual menus
Some dommes create a menu graphic to display the services they provide. I don’t do this, because from experience, they change far too often to keep up with. But if this is something you’re interested in doing, please Google image search findom menu, where you’ll find examples from other dommes, and even templates for sale on Etsy.
In conclusion
Always remember that it’s better to be really good at a few menu items than mediocre at all of them. Choose things you enjoy doing, and say no to those you don’t.
For example, I think spitting is gross, so I don’t offer that in my videos. When a sub suggests I include it in a humiliation video, I decline. Yes, I will humiliate you, but no, I don’t do spitting. It’s that simple.
If you’re a domme who offers a service that isn’t listed here, leave a comment, or send me a message. I want to hear about it!