Humiliation basics
Humiliation can be a powerful tool for findommes to add to their arsenal. Learning to unleash your inner humiliatrix can strengthen your control and deepen your relationship with a sub who craves this dynamic.
What is humiliation?
Generally speaking, humiliation in financial domination is a specific type of power swap. The sub isn’t just dominated by his domme; he is degraded or shamed. In particular, this might focus on the sub’s financial status or contributions.
Psychologically, submissives may find financial humiliation fulfilling because it addresses their desire for degradation, their feelings of inadequacy, and their need for control over their self-worth. Humiliation taps into power imbalances and creates deeper feelings of submission. The shame and vulnerability they feel can amplify the power dynamic between domme and sub, as the domme uses humiliation as a tool for control.
Types of humiliation
Verbal humiliation - A domme might mock the sub’s financial contributions, calling them worthless. She might say things that will make the sub feel insignificant, by comparing his lowly financial status to her vast wealth and power.
Financial degradation - This might involve forcing a sub to acknowledge their financial inferiority. A domme might make the sub beg to send money, and then mock the sub’s attempt to please her with those sends. She might tell the sub to send small, humiliating amounts, and then belittle the sub for their size, to make them ashamed for their spending.
Public and semi-public humiliation - With a sub’s consent, a domme might use social media or public spaces to humiliate a sub. She might post screenshots of their sends, publicly shaming their financial efforts. She might taunt the sub with the idea of exposure and shame.
Forced begging and groveling - This might involve making a sub beg for the privilege of sending, or demanding they justify why they deserve to give their domme money. A creative domme might incorporate degrading tasks the sub must complete before being allowed to send.
Task-based humiliation - The domme might assign the sub humiliating financial tasks, such as tracking every penny they spend, and making a report about their expenses for the domme. She might devise degrading rituals around money, such as counting out each dollar of the sub’s contribution, while mocking him about the amount.
Establishing a humiliation dynamic
Mutual trust and explicit consent are vital when incorporating humiliation into a Domme/sub relationship. It’s important not to go diving into this particular dynamic without knowing your sub desires this type of interaction.
Have a conversation about limits, boundaries and desires.
Discuss the sub’s specific humiliation triggers, and take the time to learn what excites them, and what might be taking things too far.
Set some boundaries to ensure all humiliation is consensual, and that the sub is not being pushed into non-consensual distress or financial jeopardy.
Create safe words or signals to indicate when the sub wants to pause or stop, and honor those safeguards when conversing.
Start slowly. Give yourself room to escalate the intensity over time. Test the sub’s limits and build a deeper sense of control by gradually increasing the level of humiliation and degradation.
Maintaining control
To create an ongoing humiliation dynamic, it’s important to check in with the sub regularly. Maybe this happens during aftercare, when you can assess whether the sub is handling the humiliation in a healthy way. This type of dynamic can be mentally and emotionally taxing for both domme and sub.
Adjust the level of intensity based on the feedback your sub gives, and the evolving nature of your relationship. Learn to balance humiliation and degradation with praise or rewards when they’re deserved.
Keep reinforcing the sub’s dependency on your approval, using humiliation to remind the sub of their place and solidify your control. Your goal is to train the sub to always feel they need to prove their worth, which, when done properly, leads to increased sends.
Humiliation vs. emotional abuse
Dommes who engage in humiliation have to learn to walk a fine line between consensual exchange and emotional abuse. Clear, ongoing consent is crucial when engaging in humiliation, especially when the emotional intensity escalates. Aftercare can be vital after intense sessions, and can help a domme ensure that she’s not crossing over into being emotionally abusive, or pushing a sub beyond his limits. (For more on aftercare, try this article.)
Because of the intensity of humiliation and degradation, subs can lose track of their financial limits and responsibilities. It’s important to have those conversations up front, whether it’s by setting a budget, or by setting up safe words.
As an ethical domme, it’s up to you to know when to call a halt to things, and that should be before your sub is driven to financial ruin or an emotional breakdown.
In conclusion
By mastering the art of financial humiliation, findommes can create deeper, more satisfying power dynamics with their submissives, leading to stronger, more profitable relationships. Moving beyond the “saying mean things to men for pay” mentality, and learning how to give just enough humiliation to make your subs want more can be an extremely profitable skill.