What you should ask a new sub
Once you’ve ascertained that a prospective sub has good intentions, and they’ve paid your tribute, and addressed you correctly, it’s time to ask a few questions. These are in part to see if they’re a good match in terms of what you offer, and what they want, and also serve as a bit of a getting to know you discussion.
What I ask
Since this process is another one of those personal preference things, I’m just going to list the things that I ask a potential sub. You can ask these in a single chat session, or spread them out as they become relevant. Obviously, you won’t ask in depth questions if a sub just wants to cover your daily coffee run, but if they’re looking for something more, some of this stuff may become relevant.
What does your ideal Domme/sub relationship look like? - In my experience, nobody has ever asked them this before, especially if they’re new. This question gives the sub the opportunity to express their dream relationship, but often, they’ll feel inhibited, or confused, and just say “I want a domme who will take all my money”. That’s OK. We’re gonna fill in the blanks.
What are your kinks? - Encourage your sub to express their preferences, without comment or judgement. Have a little list of things you like to do to help them along, because sometimes, they don’t know all the options. So, “are you into feet, or lips, or wearing women’s underwear” might get the ball rolling. Create a safe space for your sub to tell you his deepest kinks. Don’t kink shame if they mention something you don’t like, or think is weird.
What are your limits? - Limits are I/me things. I like this, but I don’t like that. So, “I like to be humiliated, but I don’t want to do things involving bodily fluids”. Sometimes, it’s helpful to take the info they’ve divulged about their kinks, and ask their limits there. “You mentioned you’re into humiliation. Does that mean you would like being humiliated publicly, like on social media?” That sets a limit on the level of humiliation the sub finds enjoyable.
What are your hard boundaries? - Boundaries are You things. I don’t want you to do this. So “I don’t want you to use any of our chats or photos I send publicly”. That’s a boundary: don’t let the humiliation spill over into a public arena.
What is your weekly play budget? - I’ve seen discussions in finsub communities, saying this question is a turn off, so my way of phrasing it is “do you have a weekly play budget, or do you want to set it per session—-or should I just keep draining you until you squeal?”. This invariably leads to laughter, and a frank conversation about finances. I will also ask “Are you comfortable with me expecting $this every time we chat? Or this?Or$this?” to pry their budget out of them. That also sets the expectation that each time we chat, there should be a payment.
Do you have questions for me? - They will have questions. Answer them. The only thing I won’t answer honestly is how many other subs I have at the moment, because that is not something they need to know, or should even be thinking about—-and that’s my answer to that question. Everything else, I’m pretty honest about.
These questions give you some basics about the prospective sub you’re speaking with, and can help you decide if you’re a good match. If a sub expresses enthusiastic interest in something you really don’t enjoy, or don’t want to do, consider if you’re the right domme for them long term. Sooner or later, they’re going to ask about that thing. Maybe play a bit until they do, and then decline? Maybe throw them back now for another domme to play with? It’s up to you.