Understanding consent
In today’s world, the word consent gets thrown around quite a bit. As a findomme, you should understand what consent means, and as an ethical findomme, you might want to adopt one of the consent models to guide your D/s relationships.
What is consent?
Consent is when a person gives permission for an act or relationship. In findom, a sub consents to having their money taken by a domme.
Consent can be revoked by using a safe word previously agreed upon. So, if a domme is draining a sub, and the drain goes beyond what the sub can afford, saying the safe word would end the session. Having a safe word allows the role play of saying no, while a domme continues.
Refusal to halt an activity once the safe word has been invoked is abusive. Safe words only work if both parties agree to abide by them.
Types of consent
Temporary consent is given for a short term, like a single session. A sub might consent to have all the money currently in his account to be drained this evening, but once that drain ends, the consent ends.
Indefinite consent is something that happens when a sub is owned, or is under a contract. The domme and sub agree on the parameters of the contract, and consent to those parameters lasts for the duration, which could be weeks, months, or years.
Consensual non-consent is an agreement to act as if consent has been waived. The domme may ignore hard limits and safe words, while the sub may experience things that are new or uncomfortable. This type of consent requires that a great deal of trust has been built between domme and sub, and generally only occurs in longer term D/s relationships.
Consent models
The BDSM community has several models for consent that many findommes may use to keep their D/s relationships safe and healthy.
RACK stands for Risk-Aware Consensual Kink. Each participant is aware of the risks involved, and takes personal responsibility for giving consent. This is a popular model for findommes, since we want subs to take responsibility for knowing the risks involved in their participation.
PRICK stands for Personal Responsibility, Informed, Consensual Kink. It’s an evolution of RACK, which requires both parties to be informed of the risks they might be taking, instead of just assuming they’re aware.
SSC stands for Safe, Sane, Consensual. All activities are safe, all parties are of sound mind, and everyone has given their consent. While this model was very popular in the past, the sane indicator is now viewed as ableist, and implies some kinks are insane.
CCC stands for Committed, Compassionate, Consensual. This is an older model that doesn’t really address safety, and assumes that the D/s relationship is ongoing.
CCCC stands for Caring, Communication, Consent, Caution. Another older model that is a bit outdated.
Even though RACK and PRICK are generally the standard for today’s findomme, we can learn from the principles of older models. Communication, compassion, and the acknowledgement that participants are human beings deserving of care should be things all ethical findommes keep in mind.