First interactions with finsubs

So, you’ve been posting regularly, and you’re getting a few DMs. How do you talk to subs who message you, and find a good match?

This is a personal preference kind of thing. What I may look for in a sub, you may not. And when you’re first starting out, you may not even know what you want, and latch onto every sub who messages. I see those dollar signs in your eyes…

First contact

There is a right way for subs to contact you the first time, and experienced subs all know what it is: they pay your initial tribute before messaging you. Their first message should be something like, “Good morning, Mistress. I’ve sent a tribute via Wishtender.” And there’s already an email from WT saying someone has paid you.

Any other kind of first contact should be held at arm’s length for a bit. You’ll get a lot of “hey, beautiful” and “hiyyyy” messages. These might be newbie subs, or they might just be time wasters. So, give them as little as possible until you’ve sorted that out. You might just say “It’s hello, Mistress” or “Yes?”, to get them to expand beyond their initial message. I often say, “Address me correctly.”, and if they don’t know what that means, I’m done with them.

If they snap to, and correct themselves to “Yes, Mistress. Sorry, Mistress.”, there might be some hope for them. If they give you some other line, like wanting to get to know you, ask for your tribute. Some new dommes have trouble with this part, but remember, unless he’s paying you, he isn’t a finsub. He’s just a dude wasting your time.

So, find a way to ask for a tribute as soon as you figure out he’s clueless. “I don’t see a new payment notification. Tell me where you paid my tribute.” If he gives you a hassle about paying, because he wants to get to know you first, or because his last domme ripped him off, or responds any other way but paying it, drop him. I generally drop my tribute link in the chat, and stop talking. If there’s no payment in 24 hours, I block them, so we don’t go through this same waste of time again.

Stay in character

When speaking with potential subs, stay in character. If you haven’t practiced speaking in your domme voice, or writing in it, start doing that as soon as you can.

My domme voice on videos and calls is in a lower register than my usual speaking voice. I never ask for anything, I tell. Instead of “when should we speak again?”, it’s “choose a date and time for us to speak again”. It’s not “thank you” it’s “acceptable”.

Think about how you want to assert your dominance when you speak and write, and practice staying in character until it comes naturally.

Set a date

Once you’ve decided to move forward with a sub, set a date and time to chat again. Tell them you have some questions to ask to see if they’re a good match, and some limits and boundaries to tell them, to see if you’re a good match for them.

What you should ask a new sub, and what you should tell them, will be covered in upcoming articles.